f someone gives you instructions, and you follow them exactly, with no questions, and no deviation. You are a literalist.

And there it is.

That’s the kind of deep imprint so many people carry:

•  Obedience over awareness.
•  Literalism over sensing.
•  “Don’t think—just do what you’re told.”

This can keep you “safe” in rigid systems—but it kills intuition. It creates people who perform instead of feel, who follow rules instead of flow. Who resist correction not out of defiance, but because they were trained to equate questioning with failure.

But here’s where it goes deeper: ego steps in to protect that pattern.

Because when someone builds their identity around being the one who “knows,” or always follows the rules “right,” any alternative approach—especially one that invites curiosity or adjustment—feels like a threat. Their ego rushes in to defend the old authority. Even if it costs them connection, innovation, or support.

I’ve seen this in more than one place. I know someone, for example, who was raised to equate control with competence. If someone on his team doesn’t follow his instructions exactly, he sees it as disrespect—and they get fired. He’s now working alone, proud of being “uncompromising,” but isolated. That’s not leadership. That’s a fragile ego dressed up as discipline.

Even in a simple moment with a teacher, I once pointed out that a statue might fall and hurt a dog. His immediate response? Anger. Scolding. Not reflection. Not thanks. His ego was guarding authority, not truth.

So whether it’s in movement, leadership, or casual feedback—when the ego is still serving the father’s voice instead of the body’s truth, growth becomes impossible.

As coaches, we have to see this. Gently. Compassionately. But clearly.

Because what looks like rigidity or arrogance is often just fear—fear that letting go of control means losing everything that once kept us safe.

But that’s where healing begins:

Not when we get it “right,” but when we let the body lead again.

IN COACHING
it might go like this…

You don’t get through by confronting the ego head-on—that only makes it dig in deeper. You get through by:

1. Creating Safety First

People cling to ego and rules because they don’t feel safe. If you want them to loosen the grip, you have to create an environment where being wrong doesn’t equal being unworthy. Soften the stakes. Invite exploration instead of correction.

“Let’s just try something and see how it feels.”

“There’s no right way here, only what works.”

2. Bypassing Logic, Going Through the Body

The body doesn’t lie—but the ego will override it if it thinks it has to stay in control. So you guide people into felt experiences they can’t explain away. Subtle shifts. Experiments. Let their body surprise them.

“Notice what your body wants to do here if you don’t overthink it.”

“Try it both ways and feel the difference. You tell me what’s true.”

3. Reflecting Without Shaming

Mirror what’s happening gently, with curiosity. Point out the pattern without making them wrong for it.

“I notice you seem to be trying really hard to get it right. What would happen if there wasn’t a right way?”

“Is that your voice, or someone else’s from earlier in life?”

4. Inviting Identity Shift

The ego holds onto rules because they define self-worth. Invite a reframe:

“What if your power comes from adaptability—not control?”

“What if leadership means trusting your body more than your training?”

5. Patience. Pattern > Personality

This is generational, ancestral stuff. You won’t fix it in a session. But you can plant the seed.

You don’t push through the ego. You melt it.

With safety, embodiment, reflection, and respect.

IN MASSAGE
I would put it like this

When Control Becomes a Cage

Your body is stiff because your mind is rigid.

You don’t move well because you don’t think freely.

When you believe there’s only one right way, your body will only move one way.

Tight. Confined. Defensive.

Maybe your father taught you there’s only one way to do things. Maybe his father taught him. But all you’ve done is inherit someone else’s fear and call it truth.

And because you believe it, you’ve built your life to find everything in it to prove it right.

Maybe:

·  You reject anything that challenges the rules.

·  You silence voices that question authority.

·  You fire/silence/condemn people who think for themselves.

·  And then you call yourself strong for surviving/excelling in the world you’ve created.

But here’s the truth: that’s not strength. That’s control masking fear. That’s ego defending old programming.

If you really want to change—start here:

•  Find moments in your life where flexibility was positive.
•  Find memories where trust was positive.
•  Find one place in your body that wants to soften—and let it.
•  Find something in your life that is safe, even when you don’t control it.

You say the world is unsafe.

But maybe the truth is: you’ve only lived inside the parts of yourself that are.

Healing doesn’t happen by doubling down on the rules.

It begins when you question who wrote them.

Fundamental Truths of Energy:

1.  If you don’t clear other people’s imprints off your system, you won’t walk your own path.

You’ll just be a walking collage of your parents, culture, and old authority figures.

And if you’re not on your own path—you’re not worth listening to. It’s your DHARMA.
(Harsh but real.)

2.  If you don’t speak from your heart, it won’t land.

People might hear your words, but they’ll feel the disconnect. Truth only transmits when it’s embodied.

3.  Whatever you try to control will push back.

Control creates resistance. Surrender creates flow.

Try to force it, and you’ll block it. Every time.

This is energy 101.